Smoky Blue
“I can’t believe how strong she is.” I hope I’m not being too solicitous. It’s been at least a year since we’ve had an opportunity to sit down and have a real conversation, and I’ve been a little worried.
The smoky blue eyes are distant as she takes a long breath and says softly, “She blows me away.”
Her tiny daughter has endured the umpteenth surgery with the usual aplomb and gentle strength not betrayed by her fragile body. I don’t mention how difficult it must be- it’s obvious enough that it would be condescending to say.
She doesn’t talk for long about the trials and tragedies. She focuses more on the her daughter’s personality and intelligence and little eccentricities. Her smile has a lonely beauty, but the distance in her eyes remains.
I worry about the coffee cake I ordered for us even though she said it was fine. I’m not sure how the sugar effects her particular form of diabetes. We’ve been talking over coffee, usually among friends, for almost a decade and I still haven’t asked her about it.
At least there’s some relief. She and her family are going to Disneyland- though the financial windfall that created the opportunity soon collapsed into ruin, with a vulturous collection agency swooping down on all her assets and freezing them. “I’m getting a wheelchair this time,” she tells me. “Last time was a nightmare.” The ruined cartilage in her hips makes it impossible to walk for long. “She’ll be sitting in my lap. You get weird looks from people, though, when you get pushed to the front of the line, and you’re young and in a wheelchair.
“I need a sign that says, ‘yes, we really are disabled, we’re not faking it for special privileges.’”
We talk about more menial things- our friends, our husbands, day- to- day issues and amusing little stories, her recent performance with a band when she was able to sing onstage for the first time in a long while. Her voice is amazing. She’s used to the compliment, so I don’t reiterate.
Then the recent financial nightmare, fueled by astronomical medical bills. Apparently not being able to pay to be disabled is horrifyingly sinful enough that one can face homelessness or jail.
And another looming crisis.
Her ophthalmologist has just informed her that, without the expensive (only in America) insulin her body requires, she will soon go blind.
“At least they were kind enough to leave me alone with a box of tissues and let me bawl my eyes out for a while.”
One can’t expect the creditors to sympathize, but one can wonder what circle of hell they’re running the front desk for when they’re told, “That money was supposed to keep me from going blind” and they reply,
“That’s none of my concern. You owe this money.” Mostly lawyer’s fees for the credit agency.
I don’t pretend to be able to fathom what she is facing when she asks, desperation in her face, if I can.
It’s crushing me just to imagine her deep, smoky blue eyes as sightless.
February 23 2010 08:40 pm | culture and kids and life and mental health and photography and utah
February 24th, 2010 at 9:11 am
You know, if she was in another country, American aid workers would be giving her what she needs, and Americans would be falling all over themselves to donate to make sure she never goes without it again. But in America, nobody cares about Americans.
February 24th, 2010 at 9:29 am
The measure of a great society is how well it takes care of its citizens. Sadly, I really don’t think this society is all that great anymore. We lost our way somewhere back down the road.
February 24th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
I want another Republican Party Spokesperson to tell me the “American People don’t want” Health Care Reform. I wonder which ‘American People” they talk about when they say that.
I should take this post and email a copy to the RNC (Republican National Committee).
February 25th, 2010 at 7:45 am
My gosh this is heartbreaking. I came by way of Lou’s place and am reminded why Denmark and its people are voted the happiest people in the world. They pay 80% taxes, but they always take care of their citizens health care.
I wish America could say the same thing…